Sunday, March 28, 2010

Life...in 1 little week...

It's been so long since I've posted....and I should be in bed, but my mind is going 100  places right now, so I will try to write. ( I hear it's therapy, but I always pitied my teachers at school when they had to read my writing...)

This week I heard the Dr say something to me I never figured I would hear. It's still kinda a dream. He said,(in a deep monotone voice) "It's never easy to say this, but your tumor is cancer." What???? I feel fine, I say. I don't have much pain, just a little every now and then. Sure I have blood in my stool, but thats just from a bleeding ulcer....I mean I have a lot going on in my life, and it's probably just stress. That was gonna be his line....but I heard, what in the back of my mind I feared I had all along....cancer. Colon cancer.
The rest of the day is a blear. You get pricked for blood...to see if the cancer has spread....while your still trying to think that through, you meet with the surgeon who tells you what he's gonna cut out and put back together again....he's kinda like a plumber he says...only that it's your organs he's talking about plumbing. Nice.

We get out of that one and go back to the hospital for a cat scan. The radiologist says that the dye they are going to shoot in me will make me feel all hot, then cold ,then like I wet myself. He's right. It all happens in that order.

I keep thinking how are we going to tell the girls...most cancer patients they know, have died, even though we've prayed and prayed for their healing. But in the end we don't tell them the "c" word. We just tell them Mommy has to have surgery to remove the bad thing in her tummy. But they know something is up. We all cry alot these days.

But this week wouldn't be complete without writing about all the good things that have happened. We have been carried on the arms of love....yes carried. So many people have prayed, and have shown that they care. When you read in the Bible about the "peace that passeth all understanding" that has been the state I have been in. I know what it's like to have JOY in the midst of this. That... only can come from GOD. The sense that GOD is WITH US, has been so REAL to me. And there has been much to rejoice about this week. My tests all came back that my cancer hasn't spread. Thank you JESUS!!!

More than ever, I know that my life is not my own. It is not my story to write. I'm part of a much bigger picture. It's not about me....it never has been. It's about the one who died for me, whose love is much bigger and deeper than anything I can ever imagine. A love I want to know more of....Jesus.

11 comments:

Dafna Michaelson said...

My dear Emily...please know that my prayers for your health and full recovery are right next to those of your many loving friends and family. I know G-d will bring you healing for you have much important work to do in this world. Please let me know whatever, WHATEVER, I may do for you and for Phil and the girls. All my love, Dafna

Anonymous said...

Oh Emily- Please know that we're praying for you! You brought tears to my eyes reading this! May God keep wrapping his arms around you during this time! Love, Gina

Anonymous said...

Emily this made me cry. Your testimony is so beautiful! May our God continue to grant you and your family His grace and peace each day as you need it. prayers..
~Allison

Linda said...

My dear Emily...I think and pray for you every day! Your testimony is amazing and may God continue to give you the peace which passeth all understanding! I care and love you! Linda

Cheryl said...

Emily-The trusting part can be SO hard, but what else can we do? At times like this I wonder, "Do all things really work together for good?", but God wouldn't have said it if He didn't mean it. I feel so helpless and I wish we wouldn't live quite so far apart so I could HELP you with something. Hugs to you, Phil, Sandra, Sara, & Ariana! Love, Cheryl

Anonymous said...

Emily, My prayers are with you, I had a big lump in my throat when I read this. I so remember the good old days,especially when we went on that New York wittness tour. That was so much fun. Those daughters of yours are so precious.Everytime I see that little one I just call her little Emily. Have a blessed week.
Love and prayers
Mary

Anonymous said...

Emily, thank you for writing ...it helps us too... to read about your feelings and emotions. Your perspective on life and God is painting a beautiful picture for all of us. We love you and are praying for you, Phil, your 3 precious girls, and your parents. Love, Ruth and Bill

Kevin and Sheree said...

Brave - right in the middle of not knowing how it will all turn out or what God is doing in your story - is the the thing that is going through my mind! Love you all from afar... Sheree

The Yoders said...

Emily,Phil and girls,
Our hearts ache with yours and we grope for words, we are praying for you. Cling to Jesus, His promises are true. We are challenged by your testimony.
The Yoders,Jr., Elsie & Noelle

Anonymous said...

My friend...I've been thinking of you and praying for you...I know only GOD can give you the strength to make it through. Only He can take pain and make something beautiful out of it. That's the God we serve!!! Wondering how the surgery went, praying it went well... Love you, Gloria

Christy said...

Hi, Emily! It was good meeting you over the weekend, and now that I've happened across your blog, I wish we could talk even longer. Wow! You've been through some tough things recently. Are you still battling cancer?